Congratulations

Tim ”congratulations for your new job”

Jenny “dear.. I got selected in morning, got news of wrong fit at noon and by evening..I was informed not suitable”

Tim “wish you all the best for your new job”

Jenny “common.. do not irritate me?”

Tim “congratulations on feeling irritated”

Jenny “Why so?”

Tim “because I got the same job last week”

Jenny “why so?”

Tim “I do got chucked out within a day”

Jenny “is their recruitment team crazy”

Tim “they are a large HR company so need to train their trainees employment induction.. so to demonstrate that process to them, they conduct real employment scenarios”

Jenny ‘Interesting.. hey 1 min.. an amount got transfered into my account’

Tim ”yes you have been paid US$200 by them as you contributed to the trainee learning process.. congratulations to earn 200$ for a day”

Jenny ‘Absolute strange ways of life… never realized virtual reality shows exist in corporate work culture too”

 

Business Card

Business Card

Placed on a holder

Remaining untouched

Scanned and stored it

OCR completed

Waiting for use

1 year later

Oh I did meet him

Let me connect on Linked In

No response

Hello we met in that conference

No response

Hello.. did you not recognize me?

No response

In this jet set day

we cannot remember a friend

who was dear to you yesterday

how can anyone remember

a business card

Scan a face dear and put it

2 years later

I did remember him

his face pops in card

No.. not interested to meet him

Found a cool guy having similar

business. keeps sending hi and

take care messages

so cool.. genuine..

personal touch at times is

so important in business

business of business card

exists but business of

personal touch more in vogue

 

Listless employer

Employer ‘why are they still here’

HR ‘because they feel the company will grow’

Employer burst out laughing..

Employer ‘Have exited’

HR ‘they are waiting to be absorbed in new company’

Employer ‘it is a joke.. inform them their resumes are rejected’

HR ‘Sir.. I cannot’

Employer ‘why?’

HR ‘I too felt you would help us get placed in the new merger’

Employer bursts laughing

HR ‘I realized that working with direction less and vision less employer is waste of time’

Employer ‘sure.. next time don’t join such companies which spoil your career’

HR ‘can i leave?’

Employer ‘my wife too is stubborn and is not leaving me..  can you also guide her’

HR looks shocked

Prime Lead Insights

Prime Lead Insight’s CEO Jack is always searching for news..

One day he finds a blue colored diamond shaped article on road. He finds it too beautiful.

Jack gets an idea…

At home

Jack ‘Julie.. found this lucky charm.. check its miracle soon’

Jack swipes US$1000 to his most trusted vendor Rob and asks him to give 1000$ free coupons to his own address

2 days latter

Julie ‘wow.. indeed it is so lucky.. we got 1000$ worth free coupon from the retail shop’

Jack ‘great.. they seem to be doing well. It means we should get more business’

Julie ‘i will begin praying to it every day for more lucks’

Seeing her do that, her friend Susan also beings praying.. and soon all begin searching for similar shaped item in stores / online and so on.

Jack puts a cover news ‘BLUE MIRACLE’

and people start putting all their testimonies and feedback in the site.

It is a big hit…

Jack smiles.. and pens a thought

‘We began believing it.. It happened so

We began disbelieving it.. it happened so..

between happening and non happening

what remains is our own insights

to convert even a stone to a utility

what is diamond or gold or

silver or anything.

we over valued it hence they are precious

we can value ourselves too accordingly

and make people believe us

on what we are doing…

so focus on our strengths first

weakness are nice to be overcome

but take support of specialists to overcome those

don’t try to be jack of all trade and master  of none.

though we do need generalist individuals

but those need to have multi tasking capabilities

time management most crucial”

Jack has dozed of to sleep for a better tomorrow

See

Eroded Valuation

Sam is planning to sell his company. He has incurred huge losses in his business. As he struggles to fend lenders as well as investors, he reaches out to consultant Jacob who is an expert in turnaround..

Sam ‘You know the reasons’

Jacob ‘Who have been your key resources who kept the company spirits, productivity and revenue up all this long’

Sam ‘Rohit, Tom,  Andrew, Lisa… to name a few’

Jacob ‘Are they still with you?’

Sam ‘No..they are no longer with me’

Jacob ‘Here is an issue.. your valuation is not only on physical assets but way you can provide career road map to your most trust worthy performing individuals’

Sam ‘I got preoccupied with self’

Jacob ‘Please bring in old resources at times if you wish to increase valuation’

3 weeks later

Sam calls Jacob

Sam ‘Have included Andrew and Lisa back to team..’

Jacob ‘Great News. Don’t get overboard in descaling and whatsoever it may be, let good resources be with you as much as you can afford them and re-negotiate the terms’

Correlation

John is in love with Simi because he feels both of them are absolute similar. Both are entrepreneurs. Both successful. Both aggressive…  They have a common friend Ravi who is a Statistician.

He decides to map their characteristics to 0 and 1 and John is happy when both get 1 in each parameter.

Then Ravi gives them a surprise..

=CORREL( A1..A10, B1..B10) a formulae run in Excel for 10 parameters and OOPS it shows #DIV/0!

It means System doesn’t accept so much perfection matching dear…

Ravi ‘Also now note down characteristics both don’t have

John and Simi look at each other and find that they were so engrossed looking at positive common points and failed to include parameters which both don’t have..

Simi ‘Obviously you cannot reproduce. You cannot get pregnant dear’

=CORREL(A1..A13, B1..B13) and now.. it is showing 74%

With more characteristics it shows 99.xx%

Ravi ‘So dear friends.. realize women is powerful then men and don’t try to be perfect couples.. Little bit of imperfection fine..

Don’t try to make perfect product.. Little bit imperfection fine

Don’t try to make a perfect team combination. Heterogeneous  team is needed

Count down begins…

Count down begins..

HR ‘What is that? Are we going to drastically cut staff?’

CEO ‘Obviously.. 1/3.. All companies moving to fixed bid’

HR ‘It will create unrest in people’

CEO ‘Just tried but it failed.. we have become white elephant. need to have lean organization’

HR ‘Do you feel all start ups will face this crisis at some point of time in life?’

CEO ‘Depends.. If VC wants to exit successfully, company should grow.. More it grows, more it has overhead and then… one day.. same mess’

HR ‘Hence serial entrepreneurs keep selling of their company. they can manage well till max 50 resources and then.. let go the venture itself’

CEO ‘Am also starting a new venture.. I just want to get rid of this elephant’

HR ‘Plan to sell it off?’

CEO ‘Any takers? you want to take it?’

HR giggles

HR ‘Am only an employee’

CEO ‘Ok what is the list now..’

HR ‘From 12000, we are going to chuck 500’

CEO ‘Cool.. Don’t forget to add 1 more’

HR ‘Who is it?’

CEO ‘You are too costly.. need to replace you with someone cheaper’

HR face fallen ‘Why Sir?’

CEO ‘Am taking you in my start up as a co founder’

HR smiles again..

CEO ‘Happiness is like switch.. Sometimes it is on, sometimes off.. Depends on who handles the swwitch’